Where did I go wrong?
by McHottie
Summary: When Meredith is faced with a tragedy, Addison is pulled into the midst. Will these two women come to terms with past differences in order to help each other? Or will some things just be too hard to get over? MerDer and Addex. Please review!
1. Chapter 1

She was about to begin the vertical incision when her pager beeped impatiently. Pausing, the scalpel still next to the pale skin, she contemplated whether or not she should answer the page. The beeping continued; her heart pounded. It was a matter of life or death. Lately, it seemed, everything was a matter of life or death. She placed the scalpel back on the instrument tray and turned to look at her pager. The number was Derek's. It was followed by 911.

_Why would he be sending me a 911 page?_

"You paged?" she asked when Derek answered his cell phone.

"I can't find her!" he cried, frantic. "Please, tell me you know where she is."

"Who? Meredith?"

"Who else would I be looking for?"

"I don't know. I haven't seen her since she left for the scene," she was referring to the morning's ferry accident that had flooded all of Seattle's hospitals with surgical patients. "Didn't she go with you?"

"We got separated. I tried to page her several hours ago, but she hasn't answered."

"She probably came back to the hospital with a patient."

_There are people in this hospital dying slow, painful deaths, and he's worried about his girlfriend._

"None of the attendings on scene gave her permission to leave to scrub in for surgery."

"I'm sure she's around somewhere."

"Page me if you see her," he begged before clicking the phone shut without saying goodbye.

She stared at her cell phone, wondering just how bad the ferry scene was and how Derek could have the audacity to look for his girlfriend. She rolled her eyes and started to pick up the scalpel again. Again, beeping interrupted her procedure. This time, it was her cell phone. More annoyed than before, she flipped the phone open without looking at the caller ID.

"Derek! I already…"

"Addie!" Richard's voice interrupted. "Can you come down to the pit?"

"Sure, Chief. What do you have?"

"Female. Approximately seven months pregnant. Severe facial fractures, multiple contusions. BP is holding steady. She's currently stable, but has lost a lot of blood."

"I'm on my way." She placed the scalpel in an autoclave as she shredded her surgical wear and headed toward the elevators.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

When she first fell into the bay, Meredith fought her way to the surface. She took a deep breath of air and shivered. The water in her shoes made her feet feel too heavy. Coughing up water, Meredith realized no one would know she was missing for a while. It would be nice to just slip away. Testing her courage, she let herself slip under once more. Meredith had been submerged in the cold, dirty water for only a minute when she made the final decision to give up. She stopped fighting her way back to the surface and kept her eyes closed tight. She sunk further into the bay. Suddenly, a pain in her chest made her eyes open wide.

_I don't want to die! It hurts!_

She tried to kick, but the more she moved, the harder it was to fight. Her head pounded; her chest ached. Her arms were too heavy to lift and floated limply along her sides. She gave a final kick before releasing her breath. Bubbles escaped from her nose and mouth, and everything went black.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thanks to Dr. McPepper for help with the summary. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's, just the soundtracks and the DVDs, but if I did, it would be McDreamy, McSteamy, and Alex in towels with wet hair.**

The creepy little girl that had been following Meredith around all day suddenly appeared by Derek's side. He asked her to show him where Meredith was, but all she did was stare at him with her huge blue eyes. Finally, she turned and pointed to the bay. He looked from the girl to the water and back to the girl again. He bent down on her level and looked her straight in the eyes.

"This is very important. Where, exactly, is Meredith?"

The petite blonde started walking toward the bay, confirming Derek's sinking feelings about where Meredith had gone. Running toward the water, Derek began taking off his outer layer of clothing and the medical supplies around his waist. He dove into the water headfirst and began his search for Meredith. His hand brushed something soft. Opening his eyes, Derek saw her hair right in front of his face. He grabbed her by the waist and kicked his way to the surface. Their heads popped out of the water, and Derek took in a deep breath. His lungs were burning.

_She's blue! She's actually blue! And she can swim! Why…Don't focus on that now you dumb ass! She needs you more than ever now!_

He began CPR, wincing at the sound of her ribs cracking beneath his strong hands. When he felt as though his arms were giving out, Miranda appeared by his side. She took over the compressions, and Derek continued with the breathing. Soon, they loaded the still blue Meredith onto a stretcher and raced toward Seattle Grace.

_She can't die. She just can't. I knew she was having some trouble, but I didn't know it was so deep. What did I miss? Where did I go wrong?_

**P.S. Sorry this was so short. I made it longer, but it felt awkward. So I cut it off here. Please review!!!!**


	3. Chapter 3

Not knowing what else to do, he paged Addison. After all, she had been his best friend for over a decade. He rode in silence, waiting for Meredith to show signs of life, or a return phone call. Tears had been streaming down his face, but he had no idea. Miranda just looked at him, suddenly feeling softness for Dr. McDreamy. She put her hand on his arm, and he looked up at her.

"Derek," she began, not sure where she was going with this. "We will do everything we can to help her. She's our girl."

"She can swim, Miranda. She can swim!" he was about to really cry for the first time since he was seven years old and broke his arm on the playground when his phone rang.

"I got your page. What's up?" Addison's voice came on the line.

"I…I found her…She fell in the bay."

"Okay…"

"No, she's not okay. She's blue, Addie."

"How long has she been down?"

"I don't know…" his voice broke.

When they arrived at the hospital, Addison greeted the gurney before it even entered the pit. She pushed through the massive crowds in the hospital halls to a room she had cleared out especially for Meredith. Addison took over the compressions for Dr. Bailey and shooed Derek out of the room. Richard took over for him with an ambu bag. Nothing registered on the machines monitoring Meredith. For thirty minutes, a team of Seattle's finest doctors worked to save Meredith's life. Nothing happened. A pulse did not register, nor a heart rate. Meredith didn't have sinus rhythm.

"Asystole," Richard spoke the words everyone had been avoiding.

"We can't give up yet," Miranda's voice was frantic.

"She's been asystole for over thirty minutes. I don't want to give up either, but the chances now…" Richard trailed off.

"Give me a minute with her," came Addison's voice.

"Excuse me?" Miranda countered.

"Give me just one minute alone with her."

"I don't know what you think you can do, but…"

"Just trust me, Chief."

The other doctors and nurses cleared the room, leaving Addison doing compressions, the machines breathing for Meredith. Addison looked at the pale, blue face of a woman she once held great contempt for and felt only sadness.

"Meredith?" she whispered, still compressing. "I'm not sure if you can hear me, but if you can, listen up."

She looked at the monitor, still flat-lining and tried to keep her composure. What she wanted to say wouldn't be easy to admit, even to herself. She cursed silently for not noticing the symptoms before. Meredith had been more pale than usual and she hardly touched lunch in the cafeteria. Addison knew those signs well, for they were the first.

"I know how you feel. You probably don't believe me, but I do. I feel the same way myself pretty often, but you can't give up yet. There are so many more things waiting for you. You have the love of a wonderful man. He'll be there for you. So, whatever it is you are struggling with, fight through it. It will be worth it in the end. Damn it, Grey, you're our girl. Don't give up yet."

Just as Addison was ready to give up, the machine beeped. It beeped once, twice, flat-line. She swore under her breath.

_Don't do this. _

_I didn't mean to. _

_You never mean to. _

_I really didn't mean to this time. _

_Let me go instead. Go back and make me proud. Be more than ordinary. _

_I don't know how. _

_Yes, you do. Now, go! _

Addison looked at the machine, wondering if she had imagined the beeping, the small, but significant signs of life. _Beep_. She looked over again, knowing she had not imagined that beep. Her eyes wandered outside to where Miranda and Richard were telling the others everything looked pretty hopeless. _Beep_._ Beep_. The machines jumped to life.

"Atta girl, Mer. I knew you could do this," Addison whispered.

"Ohh," Meredith moaned.

At that moment, Derek burst through the door, frantic with grief. He looked from Addison to Meredith then to the machines. Speechless, he looked back out to where Dr. Bailey stood with the interns. He took Meredith's cold hands into his own and turned to Addison.

"Addie, what did you do?"

"I don't know. I just started talking to her. She did the rest on her own."

"Thank-you," he whispered into Meredith's wet, tangled hair.

She turned her head slightly, closer to him, "I…"

"Don't try to talk, sweetie. Just rest now. We can talk later." He turned back to Addison, "She's okay."

"It's some kind of miracle, I guess."

"No, it was you. You brought her back. What did you say?"

"Nothing really."

"You said something, and she heard you."

"There is no scientific proof that you can hear when you're unconscious."

"But she heard you. I know she did."

"It doesn't matter. She's going to be just fine. She's alive, and she can talk. I'm going to tell everyone."

Addison stepped out of the room to find the interns, including Christina, in a pile on the floor clutching each other and crying. Miranda and Richard were sitting against the wall, staring blankly at some unnoticeable object across the hall. Even Mark had joined the vigil outside Meredith's room. Not one of them moved when she stepped out. She cleared her throat, still no one moved.

"Meredith is alive," she stated quietly, suppressing a joyful yell.

Seven pairs of eyes turned to stare at her. Then she was greeted with many questions. She decided to answer Cristina first.

"She's alive, and she can talk. Beyond that, I have no idea what kind of damage there is. You can go in and see her."

Cristina pushed through the door and shooed McDreamy out of the room. She was anxious to see for herself that her person was really and truly okay. Shutting the door behind Derek, she sat down on the edge of the bed.

"Are you seriously okay?"

"It hurts," Meredith whispered in response. "But, look, I can move my fingers and toes."

She wiggled her fingers at Cristina with a small smile. Cristina sighed and wrapped her arms around Meredith's frail frame, a voluntary hug.

"I don't know what I would've done without you. You're my person and my maid of honor. I'm marrying Burke."

"Congratulations…ohh…"

"You need to rest. Can I get you anything?"

"Huh-uh. I just want to…" she drifted back to sleep, smiling faintly.

**A/N: Sorry it took so long to update. Chemistry was ruling my life, then the site wouldn't let me upload. Thanks to loves2writestories for telling me how to upload without the document manager. Please, please review!!!!!!**


	4. Chapter 4

"Where's Addison?" Meredith asked of Derek, a few days later.

"I'm not sure. Why?"

"She saved me. I'd like to thank her."

"I'll try to find her. Is there anything you need?"

"Will you bring me back some cookies?"

"Sure. What kind?"

"Peanut butter."

Derek hadn't gotten very far down the hall, when there was a knock at Meredith's door. The knock was followed by the entrance of Prada heels carrying balloons and a delicious aroma. Meredith's mouth immediately began to water.

"Do I smell peanut butter?"

"You sure do. I thought I'd bring you some cookies now that you are keeping down solid food. I also brought you a teddy bear to keep you company while you're here."

"Addison, that's so nice, but why?"

"Because I know how you feel," Addison understood that Meredith was not asking about the cookies and balloons.

"You do?"

"I most certainly do, and it is not something you should be ashamed of. Almost everyone has the thought drift across their mind once."

"How did you know?"

"I saw the familiar symptoms, but I didn't want to pry. I figured, out of everyone at this hospital, it would be least likely that you would confide in me."

Meredith saw a momentary lapse in the self-confidence Addison always wore as her uniform. It was then that she understood. Addison wanted her to be happy because she knew how it felt to be miserable. It surprised Meredith to see this side of Addison.

"Thank-you, for saving me. And for being honest. I wanted to talk, but I didn't know where to turn. Derek would have treated me like a china doll. I didn't want to put anything else on Izzie now that she's finally moving on, and Cristina isn't exactly the supportive here for you type. Can I have two persons?"

"I don't see why not."

"Cookie?" Meredith offered the bowl of homemade goodies Addison had just given her. "These are really good. I didn't know you could cook."

"Thanks, but I ate about ten before I brought them to you. I'm a pretty decent chef, but I don't see the point in cooking for one person."

"Would you maybe cook for me sometime?"

"Sure. Almost anything you want. When do you get out of here?"

"As long as my temp is normal, I should be able to go home by the day after tomorrow."

"I may have a surprise for you…" Addison smiled at Meredith, who had since devoured half the cookies. "But you're going to be sick and not able to eat it if you keep that up."

"Oh, right," Meredith grinned sheepishly after noticing the now half empty bowl. "I need some milk."

"I'll get you some."

"No, page Derek. You've been nice enough to me already."

Barely a minute after Addison had paged him, Derek appeared in Meredith's doorway, breathless and red faced. He immediately ran over to her and began checking her stats. Meredith glanced at Addison with an "I told you so" look.

"What's wrong? I was paged 911."

"I need some milk."

"That's what…you asked someone to page me for milk?"

"Now, Derek," Addison began in the tone she had that often made Derek so mad he couldn't stand it, "She's been through a lot. If she wants some milk, you better damn well get it for her."

"Who made you boss?"

"Me!" Meredith piped up. "And I still need some milk."

"Okay. Do you need anything else?"

"Mmm. Nope. Just milk, please."

He exited the room, obviously annoyed that the 911 page had been about milk. On the way down the hall, he realized that he probably should have been keeping closer tabs on Meredith anyway. He still didn't know what to think about the whole situation.

_She can swim. Why didn't she? Maybe I should spoil her for a while…_

"I have to get back to work, but if you need to talk, let me know."

"Thanks, Dr. Mon…Addison. We'll talk after I get out of here."

"I'll be waiting with something yummy."

"Sounds great."

Just as Addison was leaving the room, Derek came back with milk. He was holding several cartons, and Meredith couldn't help but laugh.

"What's with all the cartons?"

"I wasn't sure if you wanted skim, whole, 2, or chocolate, so I brought one of each."

"Thanks," she giggled, "I think I'll have chocolate then 2 and whole. You can have the skim. It's like drinking cow sweat."

"I smell peanut butter."

"Addison brought cookies."

"Peanut butter cookies?" he asked warily.

"Yeah."

"Are they homemade?" now he looked almost scared.

"Yeah. Why? Does she put cyanide in them or something?"

"No. They're just really good. I've lost count on how many times I've seen those cookies in reverse because we'd both eat a couple dozen."

"Yeah, she mentioned that."

"What else did you two talk about?"

"She invited me over for dinner."

"Are you going to go?"

"Of course. She's nice, Derek. Painfully nice."

"Am I invited?"

"No."

"Now, why does that seem awkward?"

"It's not. I'll go and have Italian food and wine, and we'll hang out. No big deal."

"Right. Listen, I just got a surgery. One of the ferry boat victims needs a craniotomy. Do you want me to have Cristina or someone come sit with you?"

"I don't need a baby-sitter, Derek. I'll be fine unless I eat more of these cookies. Then I might have to puke."

"How about Izzie?"

"Derek! I'll be fine. Have a cookie and some milk and go do the surgery."

"It's just that it's a really long procedure and…"

"GO!" she pushed him off the bed. "And thanks for the milk."

Having finally found some peace and quiet, Meredith took the chance to open the card, perfectly written in Addison's beautiful, swirling handwriting, that had been attached to the balloons. She read the card and tears came to her eyes. For so long, she had thought of Addison as Satan. She even wished she'd disappear, but when Meredith almost disappeared, Addison had stepped up and saved her life. Now Addison was offering to help her deal with everything that was ahead. She read the card again.

_Meredith, I know I'm probably the last person you would ever think of to talk to, or even be friends with, but I'm here for you. I understand what you are going through more than you will ever know. Everyone feels a little depressed sometimes. Some of us even consider ending it all, but there are things in this world worth living for. I know you're having a hard time seeing those things right now, and that is perfectly okay, but they are there. Eventually you will see them, so don't give up. I don't know what those things are for you, but I know what saved me. When you begin to wonder where you went wrong and how you got to this point, turn to me. I don't want to lose you. I want to be your friend. -Addie _


	5. Chapter 5

The sudden sound of Pat Benatar made Addison jump. She reached across her bed to her cell phone on the nightstand. The chorus of "Love is a Battlefield" brought her out of a dream, rather, a nightmare.

"Uhhllo?" her voice was groggy with sleep.

"Addison?" Meredith's voice was frantic with fear, and she was crying. "I…can't…I…can you…"

"Meredith?" she was now fully awake. "Slow down and take a breath. What's wrong?"

"I can't breathe. My…" she choked on a sob.

"Where are you? Where is Derek?"

"The trailer. He got paged."

"Try to relax. I'll be there in ten minutes."

Addison pulled on the pants she had worn to the hospital that day and didn't bother to change out of the t-shirt she had been sleeping in. After pulling on her red Prada heels, the only shoes she could find at 2 am, she sped toward Derek's trailer. When she arrived, Meredith was sitting on the small couch, shaking. She pulled her into her arms for a moment.

"What happened?"

"I don't know. Earlier today, Derek wouldn't leave me alone. I begged him to go back to the hospital after he dropped me off here, but he wouldn't." she paused to breathe.

"Did you two have a fight?"

"No. Right after he left, I felt really scared. Every time I close my eyes, I feel like I'm back in the bay."

"It sounds like you might be experiencing post-traumatic stress disorder."

"I don't want to be alone."

"Would you like to come back to my apartment?"

"Umm…yeah…that would be great. Thanks."

Addison glanced around the trailer, looking for extra clothes for Meredith. She quickly threw a few things into a bag and handed Meredith a sweatshirt to wear over her tank top. While she was gathering Meredith's things, Meredith remained on the couch, curled into a ball. As soon as she closed the trailer door to go put the bag into her car, Meredith began to scream. Addison dropped the bag onto the tiny porch and stepped back inside.

"I felt like I was sinking when I closed my eyes!" she cried.

"You're okay though. Let's go back to my place." Addison held out her hand to help Meredith off the couch.

When the two women stepped off of the elevator, Meredith froze in her footsteps. She glanced around the entry hall to Addison's penthouse apartment.

"You said you lived in an apartment. This is a mansion on the top of an apartment building."

"Only the outside is this fancy. I decorated the inside."

They stepped into the penthouse, and Meredith looked around. The apartment was furnished with designer furniture, rugs, curtains, and everything, but it still felt warm and comfortable. She looked through the arch in the foyer toward the kitchen. All the appliances were stainless steel, the floor was marble. In the living room, a huge window was framed by French curtains. The entire room was decorated in a French theme.

"What's with the Henry VIII theme?"

"Well, I spent two years in France as a teenager and loved it. After that, I always decorated one room in my house in a French theme. Derek would never let me do the living room, so this time I went a little crazy."

"I like it."

"Good. Let me show you the guest room."

She put Meredith's things on the bed and continued the tour of the apartment. When they had seen each room, Meredith suddenly grew quiet. She looked around the living room again, her face suddenly pale.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine."

"Okay. Well, I have to be at the hospital at eight, and it's already three-thirty, so let me know if you need anything." 

"I will. Thanks."

GAGA

Derek called Meredith's cell phone as soon as he had scrubbed out from surgery. When she didn't answer, he tried her pager. After twenty minutes without a return phone call, he began to panic. He changed out of his scrubs and drove home as fast as he dared. Before he stepped out of the car, he knew something was wrong. All the lights were off, and when he left, Meredith had asked him to leave the kitchen light on. He hurried into the empty trailer, calling Meredith's name.

GAGA

"Addison?" Meredith whispered, fighting tears. "Addison!"

"Hmm…" she turned over to find Meredith on her knees next to the bed.

She recognized the look on Meredith's face. It was how her baby sister looked when she woke up after having a nightmare. It was the same look Addison knew she had when she felt depressed, a look of fear and sadness that twists your face into a dark shape. She moved toward the center of the bed and patted the spot she had just vacated.

"Seriously?" Meredith was surprised and also relieved.

"Yes."

Addison pulled the covers over them and closed her eyes.

"I'm sorry I'm so much trouble." Meredith whispered. "You're going to be exhausted at work now."

"You're not trouble, and I'm going to call in."

"I'm sorry."

"Hush. Let's sleep until noon. I haven't done that since high school." Addison reached over and turned off her alarm, pager, and cell phone.

"Okay."

Meredith inched closer to Addison, and when she didn't comment, she moved a little closer. Addison smiled in the dark as she moved closer again. She fought back a giggle and put her arm around Meredith's waist and pulled her to her chest. Meredith turned to look at Addison, and she shrugged.

"What? You're scared. I like to cuddle. We're a good team."

**AN: Sorry it took me so long to update! After finals I moved to a new house and internet access was limited, so I'm just now uploading. Also, this isn't going to become a MerAddie thing, except in a good friends sort of way.**


	6. Chapter 6

_Meredith! Answer the phone! Please be okay. Just call me back and tell me you're okay._

Derek had been trying to reach Meredith for hours. He'd called the trailer after he left it, her cell phone, and paged her. He even tried to call Addison and Cristina. Addison didn't answer either. None of her roommates had heard from her. He came back to the hospital to see if she was there.

"Chief?" Derek caught up with Richard in the hall. "Please tell me you've seen or talked to Meredith lately."

"I haven't heard from her. Have you seen Addison? She didn't show up for rounds this morning."

"No. I tried calling her as well. Neither one of them will answer me."

"Derek, calm down. I'm sure Meredith is fine, but I'm worried about Addie. It's not like her to not call. She may be really sick."

"Or…she might be with Meredith."

"Derek!"

"I'm sorry, Chief. I'm going to look for Meredith.

GAGAGAGA

The pounding on Addison's door woke her up around 10:30. She rolled over to look at the clock. It felt so good to sleep in. She put a robe over her t-shirt and shorts and went to find out who was banging on the door. She looked through the peep hole and found Derek looking frantic on the other side.

"What's that…" Meredith had also been woke up by Derek's pounding.

"Shh!" Addison whispered. "Let's have some fun."

"What are you…"

"Be quiet. Derek is on the other side of the door freaking out."

"Ohh. Okay. I'm going back to your room." Meredith grinned a devious little grin.

Addison made her self look as sleepy as possible then opened the door. Derek burst in looking around with wild, frantic eyes.

"Why didn't you answer? Have you talked to Meredith?"

"I was trying to sleep in. I'm sure she's fine, Derek. Relax a little."

"I've been calling you two for hours. Do you know where she is?"

"Not exactly."

"What do you mean?"

"Last time I talked to her, she sounded kind of strange. I think she was upset about something."

"Where is she? Addison! Why didn't you call me?"

"You were in surgery."

"So, you don't know where she is?"

"No," she fought back a smile.

"By the way, why didn't you go to work? The chief seemed kind of upset."

"I forgot to set my alarm," she lied.

"In the years we were married, you always woke up two minutes before the alarm went off. You don't need an alarm."

_Damn. He'll figure it out now._

"Well…"

"Addison! You know where she is, and you're not telling."

The smile peeked through.

"No I don't."

"Liar!" he began to wander through the apartment. "Meredith? Are you in here?"

Meredith's giggles came from behind a door causing Derek to run in that direction. He tried the knob, but it was locked.

"You two are mean! You knew I would be worried, and both of you cut off all connection with me."

"Derek! Don't get mad. She needed to rest."

"I'm fine now." Meredith piped up, opening the door to Addison's room.

"Now?" Derek looked from Meredith to Addison.

"Yes. Will you leave? Addison is going to cook for me today, and we're going to hang out."

"But…"

"We'll be fine. Go take care of brains. Oh, and tell the chief I'm sorry."

While he grumbled the entire way, the two women led Derek out of the apartment. He protested as they pushed the door shut and locked it. Then they both collapsed onto the floor, laughing.

"I hear that! One of you better turn your phone on. I'm going to check on you later."

Meredith wiped tears from her eyes, and Addison started coughing. They looked at each other and another fit of laughter began.

"Have you ever laughed until you puked before?" Addison asked between laughs.

"Probably. I need a tissue." Meredith answered before dissolving into more laughter.

_Women._ Derek sighed as he got onto the elevator.

"So…what do you want for brunch and dinner?"

"Both? Seriously?"

"Yeah."

"Mmm. Food."

"I need more than that to go on."

"Waffles and bacon. And orange juice. Oh, an omelet would be nice, if it's not too much trouble."

"I think I can manage that." Addison headed into the kitchen.

Meredith perched on a counter top while Addison began pulling items from the refrigerator and cabinets. When she started pulling oranges out of the refrigerator, Meredith's jaw dropped.

"We're having real orange juice?"

"Of course! No Tropicana in this house."

Meredith sat back and watched as Addison prepared brunch entirely from scratch (except for the bacon.) Addison had bought the gourmet bacon at an expensive shop. When the food was close to being ready, she gave Meredith everything she needed to set the table. The ate in silence for a few minutes, enjoying the food.

"You really are good at this."

"Thanks." Addison smiled sheepishly, her cheeks pink.

"I mean it. This is better than IHOP and the really expensive place downtown."

"Thanks. Now stop making me blush and eat your breakfast."

Their plates were almost empty when Meredith suddenly grew quiet and fidgety. She stared into her plate and began making a sticky mess out of what was left of her third waffle. Addison immediately noticed the change in Meredith's behavior and stopped eating to watch her. When the waffle was mashed to the point of no longer needing to be chewed, she reached across the table and took Meredith's hand. Meredith looked up, her face full of emotions.

"Whenever you get ready," Addison spoke softly.

"My mommy's dead, and I barely know my father. Plus, it's been a really hard year."

Addison didn't speak. Instead she gave Meredith the space she needed to say what she needed to say.

"I did it on purpose. I thought it was what I wanted, but then it started to hurt so much. When I changed my mind, it was too late. I couldn't do it on my own anymore. I didn't want Derek to think I'm his damsel in distress to rescue, but he had to rescue me anyway."

"Everyone needs to be rescued sometimes."

"But he looks at me like I'll break in two. I don't want to be overprotected."

"He's overcompensating."

"Because he didn't protect you?"

"Yes, but let's not focus on that right now. You can get stronger and show him that he doesn't have to look after you. I know you can do it."

"Will you help me?"

"Of course, but you have to help me in return."

"Sure. Anything you need."

"I need a date," Addison whispered, blushing.

"I think I can help you out with that," Meredith grinned. She knew the perfect guy.


	7. Chapter 7

"I need a favor," Meredith said after pulling Alex Karev into an on-call room.

"You're hot, you know, but I'm not having sex with you," was the reply.

"I'm not asking you to sleep with me!" Meredith said as she slapped Alex.

"Well, what do you want then?"

"I need you to go on a date with someone."

"Meredith, there is only one person I want to go on a date with. Besides, I don't do blind dates."

"Yeah, but…"

"No! I'm not going out with some friend of yours."

"Alex! I know you're in love with Addison!"

"What…Why would you think it's Addison?" he interrupted.

"You're totally in love with her. It's so obvious. Now listen."

"What?" he crossed his arms, obviously annoyed.

"I need you to go on a date with Addison."

"What?!"

"Seriously. She saved my life. In return, I'd like to see her happy, and I know you love her. Take her out, have a drink, and try to be nice."

"I can be nice."

"I know that, but you may have to prove it to her."

"Okay," he grinned widely, like a little boy on Christmas morning. "I'll be a perfect gentleman."

"Thanks," she started to walk back into the hall, but Alex grabbed her arm. "Yeah?"

"What do I say to her?" he was suddenly nervous.

"That's up to you. Ask her questions about herself so you can get to know her better."

"Where…"

"Just go ask her out already!"

Addison was in the pit preparing to take a young woman up to labor and delivery for an emergency c-section. The twenty four year old had tripped and fallen down some stairs. Addison was giving orders and following the gurney to the elevator when Karev grabbed her elbow.

"What, Karev? Can't you see I'm busy?"

"Can I scrub in?"

"It's just a c-section. You can do it if you want to."

"That would be great!"

They stepped onto the elevator, and Alex's nerves were slowly falling apart. He didn't want to screw anything up, and Addison had just given him a huge responsibility. The only c-section he'd performed on his own was on a dying patient. The mom didn't matter then because she was going to die anyway. This time, he had to be sure to protect them both.

"Dr. Montgomery?"

"What?"

"Thanks for the opportunity."

He watched Addison's face soften when he smiled at her. The small smile she gave him in return gave him all the strength he needed to do the surgery. Throughout the procedure, he made small talk with Addison. She made sure he didn't screw up. When the baby was out and on it's way to the nursery, Alex turned to Addison.

"You're staring, Karev."

"I'm sorry. It's just…Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"Well," he cleared his throat. "I was wondering if maybe you would possibly consider…umm…going on a date with me?"

At first, she looked like she was going to start laughing. Alex knew his face was turning many shades of pink and red. Then her expression changed. One part of her wanted to hurt Meredith for setting her up with Alex Karev. This other part of her was secretly very excited that he agreed to go out with her.

"That might be fun," was Addison's reply. "Where are we going?"

"Would it be okay if I surprised you?" he asked nervously and she nodded.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

The intercom in Addison's penthouse apartment buzzed.

"Yes?"

"Dr. Alex Karev is requesting access to your floor, Dr. Montgomery," the doorman's voice came over the intercom.

"Please let him up. Thank-you."

A few minutes later, there was a knock on Addison's door. She looked out the peephole and saw a bouquet of flowers.

"Alex?"

"Yeah."

She opened the door, and he handed her the bouquet then kissed her cheek. She looked a little surprised, but pleased. She set the flowers on a side table in the foyer and showed Alex into the apartment.

"You have the whole top floor?"

"Yes."

"Wow."

"You sound like Meredith. She was surprised too. So, where are we going?"

"I told you it's a surprise. You look beautiful," he couldn't keep his eyes off the dark purple dress that hugged every curve of Addison's body perfectly.

"Thanks," she blushed slightly.

Curls of hair framed her face in a way that made all her features seem more delicate. Her hair was pulled on top of her head in a mass of shining red curls. Only a few tendrils hung around her face. Alex put his hand under her chin, ready to pull her lips to his.

"Don't. Please."

"I'm sorry," he backed away.

"No, I'm sorry. I just…"

"You don't have to explain. I understand," she reached out her hand, and he took it cautiously.

"I'm hungry. Let's go get something to eat."

"Good plan. Meredith said you like Italian…"

"I do very much."

The pair left the apartment building, and Alex opened the passenger door to his Firebird. They had been driving for only a few minutes when Addison began sniffling.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I smell something."

"Oh. Dinner is in the trunk. That's probably what you're smelling."

"Are we having spaghetti?"

"It's the only Italian food I know how to make."

"You made dinner?"

"Yeah."

She smiled into the dark, wondering if he'd called Izzie Stevens to help with dinner. They continued driving for a while before turning onto a dirt road. Alex drove along the road up the mountain before stopping near a clearing next to a lake. He shut off the engine and came around to open Addison's door before opening the trunk of his car.

"Can I help?"

"Nope. I'm setting everything up."

He pulled out a big picnic blanket and put it over the grass, then he pulled out a wooden crate that held the food. Each item was removed from the crate, which he turned into a table. He draped a table cloth over the crate and pulled plates, silverware, and glasses out of the trunk and set them on the "table". When everything was set up, he pulled a bottle of Merlot from a small cooler in the trunk and served them both.

"This bread is delicious."

"Izzie helped me with that."

"I thought so."

"I'm really glad you agreed to go out with me."

"I'm really glad you asked me to."

"I mean it. You see, I've been wanting to ask you out for a long time."

"Why didn't you?"

"I didn't think you'd say yes. I'm an intern and not a great one at that. And, I was pretty sure you hate me."

"I don't hate you. In fact, I kind of like you," she smiled a little. "You have talent, especially with obstetrics."

They talked for a while then ate dessert. Izzie had also helped Alex with the tiramisu. When they were finished with dinner, Alex cleared the table and put everything back into the trunk except the blanket. He stretched out and was looking up at the stars. It was a clear night. There were no clouds and the full moon was shining brilliantly. He tugged Addison's arm so that she lay down next to him. A shooting star moved across the sky and both of them closed their eyes to make a wish.

"I hope this turns into something more," Alex and Addison made the same wish.


	8. Chapter 8

"Oh my goodness! Meredith! Thank-you for one of the most amazing dates I have ever been on!"

Addison was beaming the day following her night out with Alex. After watching the stars from the blanket, the pair had strolled around the park, arms linked. Addison was ecstatic, and she couldn't wait to tell Meredith (and Miranda and Callie) all about the wonderful evening Alex had planned. However, she noticed immediately that something was very wrong with Meredith.

"Hey, what's up with you?"

"I'll be there in a minute."

"What? Meredith, I didn't…Meredith!"

"Hmm. Oh, I'm fine."

"Why do I not believe you?"

"I'm fine. I swear. How was the date?"

"I just told you, but you were off in lala land."

"Oh, sorry. Did you have a good time? I take it by the grin that you did."

"It was amazing. He was so nice. He'd made dinner and everything. It was really rom…Meredith!" Addison noticed that Meredith was no longer listening again.

"I'm sorry. I'm really distracted today."

"No kidding. Out with it. What's wrong with you?"

"It's nothing."

"I'm not going to force you, but please come talk to me if I can help."

"Okay. Thanks. And I'm glad you had a great time."

Meredith headed down the hall, not really sure where she was going exactly. She just knew that she needed to get out of the hospital. Soon, she started to walk a little faster. Then, she was running down flights of stairs. _I can't deal with this on my own, but I don't want to tell Addison. Addison would probably be a better choice than Derek. She would definitely be better than Cristina. Maybe…Oww! Oh, my side really hurts. _

Addison was now convinced that Meredith's distraction was something more serious. She wondered if she should go after her, but she didn't want to push. _She needs to talk about whatever is bothering her. I wish she would trust me. Maybe I should talk to Derek…No, whatever it is, she doesn't want to tell him. Cristina? No, she needs support right now. That's it, I'm going to catch up with her. _She headed toward the stairwell that Meredith had disappeared into but realized she'd never be able to catch up with her in her heels. Grimacing, she pulled them off and took the stairs two at a time. When she reached the first floor, she paused. Meredith was nowhere in sight. _Stomp, stomp._ She heard thumping coming from the floor above her and moved to the side of the stair case. Sure enough, Meredith came bounding down the stairs, tear-streaked. Addison jumped out just as Meredith was stepping off the last stair.

"Come on. We're going home," Addison was pulling her heels back on.

"No. I don't want to go out there and let people see me like this."

"Okay, then. We'll sit in here until you're ready to go out."

Meredith sat down next to Addison on the stairs. She sat quietly for a moment before resting her head on Addison's shoulder. After a few coughs and hiccups, she decided she could speak.

"I'll tell you, but I need to tell you outside the hospital. I don't want anyone else to hear."

"Okay. I'll go tell the chief that we're leaving for a while. Will you be okay in here?"

"I think so."

Addison walked down the hall to the chief's office and knocked on the door.

"Yeah?" came the gruff voice of Richard Webber.

"Chief?"

"Come in, Addie. What's going on?"

"Would it be okay if I leave for a little while? Meredith isn't feeling well, so I'm going to take her home."

"Sure. Is there anything I can do to help?"

"I don't think so. I think she just needs some rest."

"Okay. Let me know if she needs anything at all."

"I sure will. Thanks, Chief."

Addison went back to the stairwell to find Meredith surrounded by people asking what was going on, but Meredith looked pale and horrified. She pushed her way through the people gathered in the little stairwell and helped Meredith to her feet.

"Come on. Let's get out of here."

Silently, Meredith followed Addison out to her car. Silently, they rode toward Addison's apartment. They had barely pulled into the garage when Meredith started to scream.

"I didn't want anyone to know I was upset!" she wailed. "Who did you tell?"

"I didn't tell anyone. I swear. I went straight to the chief's office and then came to get you."

Meredith believed her. She didn't really think Addison would blab around the hospital that she was hiding in a stairwell in tears. Sheepishly, she looked over at Addison and apologized. Addison's reply was to shake her head and offer Meredith cookies.

"I don't really know how to tell you this, but something happened before I fell into the water."

Addison nodded silently, giving Meredith the space and comfort she needed to talk.

"At first, I thought I could handle it on my own, but then it got to be too much. I couldn't take it anymore, so when I fell in, I decided not to swim," she reached out and took Addison's hand.

Addison gave her hand a small, reassuring squeeze. She waited to see if Meredith had anything else she needed to say before speaking.

"Take your time. You can tell me what happened when you get ready."

"I'm ready. I'm just scared."

"That's okay. I'm here to help you through this."

_I can do this. I can tell her, and she'll help me. If she can't, she'll find someone who can._

"Addie? You won't tell will you?"

"Of course not. Not unless you say it's okay."

"Okay. Here goes," she took a deep, shaky breath. "A few days before the ferry boat thing, I was walking to my car in the hospital parking lot. This woman came up to me and said her boyfriend was getting discharged but they didn't have a way to get home. I offered to call a cab, but she didn't have any money. Well, after she got me distracted, her boyfriend or whoever attacked me."

"What did he do?"

"He…" her voice cracked a little, and she squeezed Addison's hand harder. "He told me to get down on the ground. Then, he pulled out a knife and forced me to undress…" she drifted off.

"If you are getting at what I think you are getting at, you need to say it. It will help, I promise."

"He…he…I can't."

"You can do this, Meredith. You've already come so far."

"He raped me."

**A/N: I wanted Meredith to have a really good reason for not swimming when she fell into the lake. **


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: So…you guys want to know how Addie can help Mer through this one? To tell or not to tell… plucks flower petals**

"He raped you?"

"Yes. He…raped…me," she repeated the words slowly, trying to convince herself that it wasn't all a nightmare that she would wake-up from.

"Are you okay physically?"

"I think so," tears began to spill from Meredith's eyes. "It hurt a lot though. He was much bigger than me."

Addison pulled Meredith into her arms and held her while she cried. _I wish there was something I could do to take away the pain and memories of this. I don't want to see her hurt, and it will take so long for her to recover from it. She can do it…I hope. _Meredith's face was hidden in Addison's shoulder, so she didn't see the two small tears that Addison couldn't keep in her eyes.

"Sweetie, you have to report this. I know it's scary and embarrassing, but you should tell the police. The sooner you tell them, the better."

"I know. I want to now, but at first, I thought I could get over it on my own. I didn't tell anyone. I felt so dirty."

"That's perfectly normal. You didn't happen to swab yourself before you showered, did you?"

"Umm, no. Oh! I didn't wash the clothes I was wearing. I put them in a garbage bag to throw out, but I think they are still in my bathroom."

"That's great! That's really great. The police may be able to find DNA on your clothes."

"Yeah! I'm feeling really brave now. Let's go to the police before I lose my nerve."

"There you go. You are really brave. Let's go catch the stupid bastard that hurt you."

"Yeah!" she smiled just a little bit, and Addison's heart soared with pride.

The pair exited the apartment with their heads held high. Before going to the police station, they stopped at Meredith's house to pick up the bag with her clothes in it. She pointed the way, and Addison picked up the bag. Meredith couldn't bring herself to touch it again. When they arrived at the police station, Meredith's courage faltered a little.

"I don't want to do this after all. Let's just go home."

"No way. We're doing this. You can do it. You have the strength in you to do it."

"Okay. I just need a minute."

"That's okay. We have plenty of time. When you're ready, we'll go in."

They sat in Addison's car, each with many thoughts running through her head. Meredith was thinking about the rape and trying to force out the courage she needed to go inside and tell the police everything that happened. Addison was thinking about several things. She wanted to help Meredith as much as possible, but she was also thinking about Alex. She wanted to see him and talk to him. After a few minutes of quiet, Meredith caught Addison's eye. She nodded.

"Let's go."

After a few minutes waiting, an officer at the front desk acknowledged them.

"Can I help you ladies with something?"

Meredith froze and tried to hide behind Addison, but she pushed Meredith forward and patted her shoulder for encouragement.

"We'd like to report a crime," Addison spoke for Meredith to give her some time.

"Thanks, Addie. I can do this."

"What is the nature of this crime?" Officer Stanton had a kind voice, but he looked tough.

"I was raped a few weeks ago. I'm sorry I didn't report it sooner. I was so scared."

"That's okay. You're reporting it now. We may still be able to help. Why don't you come with me to a private room?"

Meredith nodded, and she and Addison followed Officer Stanton down the hall and into an interrogation room. He offered them coffee. Addison accepted, but Meredith refused. She started to speak, telling the events of the horrible evening that changed her life forever as if it were a story, something that didn't really happen. The officer listened patiently and asked questions when she had some trouble. He took notes even as she told him about falling into the water.

"May I see your clothing?" he asked when she had finished.

"Sure. I didn't wash anything."

"Good. We're going to use this," he held up a small flashlight, "to look for blood and semen stains. This is a Lumalite. It will make invisible body fluids glow."

He flipped on the Lumalite and began scanning Meredith's clothes. Nothing showed up on her scrubs, but when the light was shone over her panties, they glowed. Meredith's face turned bright red, and she started to cry again. Addison held her close while the officer examined the items from the bag.

"We'll send these off for DNA testing. Hopefully whoever attacked you, Ms. Grey, left his DNA here for us. Unless you need to tell us anything else, you can sign these forms and be on your way. You really did the right thing by coming in here today. We'll do everything we can to catch this man and his accomplice."

"Thank-you," Addison and Meredith spoke together, and the officer led them out.

"How are you feeling?" Addison asked once they were back in the car.

"Kind of like I want to throw-up. I can't feel my legs."

"I'm so proud of you. You were really strong."

"You helped me so much. I couldn't have done it without you."

"I think you could have, but I'm glad you let me help."

"You're so strong, Addie. How do I get there? How can I get to be so strong like that?"

"Lots of heartache, my dear. You triumph over your heartache and eventually you're strong. You'll feel broken for a while, but it will get better. You'll always remember, but one day, you'll wake up and you won't feel the burning anymore."

"The burning in my heart…or…"

"Both."

"How long does it take?"

"I don't know. Everyone is different. It took me a long time."

"You?"

"Yes, me."

"But, you're gorgeous and confident and…"

"I wasn't always a 'pretty girl'. I'm kind of the ugly duckling that turned into a swan."

"I'm going to need some proof."

"I'll show you my yearbook from high school sometime. I was president of the science club and captain of the academic team for three years. I had glasses, braces, and zits. That was also before my dad had my nose reconstructed. My brother and sister were both beautiful, so he decided to give me my sister's nose. His best friend did the surgery. He didn't want me to make my valedictorian speech with my nose, so I had surgery over Christmas break my senior year."

"No way."

"Yup. I was a nerd. I hid behind old lady clothes and my huge glasses. Not to mention the out of control, frizzy red hair."

Meredith giggled but stopped suddenly to think about what she had just been told. _Either Addie has gone into the wrong field, or she took a lot of psych classes because she totally understands what I've been through. She's so strong. I wonder what happened to make her so…_

"Mer? You okay?"

"Yeah. I was just thinking. Can't you estimate how long it will take for me to have the confidence that you do?"

"Well, I didn't really start to become the person I am now until the end of my senior year. When it happened to me, I was nine."

"When what hap…Oh…" she caught on to what Addison was telling her.

"I was nine and in third grade. My parents sent me to boarding school that year, and one of the high school level students cornered me when I went back into the gym to look for my diary. We reported it, but he ran away right after. No one has seen him since that I know of. He could be anywhere."

"Oh. Wow. Did you tell Derek?"

"I told him when he proposed to me. I'd never had sex, except for when he raped me. Even after counseling, I knew there was the possibility that I would never want to be intimate with someone, so I wanted to warn him."

"Was he…"

"He was completely understanding."

"We haven't…I mean…" she trailed off.

"You have to tell him. If you're scared, he needs to know. Let him know that you love him and want to be with him, but don't push yourself too far too fast."

"Okay. Thanks, Addie. I have no idea what I would do without you."

"Well, I'm here for you. Like I said, I understand what you're going through. You're welcome to stay with me if you don't feel comfortable being alone or with Derek or whatever."

"You're just too nice. Can I do something for you?"

"Yeah. Find out if Alex is interested in another date."

"He is. He really likes you. You should call him."

"Maybe I will."

_Maybe I will. I never expected to like Karev, but he seems like a half-way decent guy. Or, he could be anyway. I'm so proud of Meredith. She's well on her way to getting back on her feet._

_I can't believe Addison was raped as a kid. That's so horrible. When she said she understands, she really meant it. She's tough. I sure hope I can come out on top like she has. In the mean time, I can occupy myself by playing matchmaker…_She smiled to herself before she and Addison clinked spoons and started in on a gallon of Cold Stone ice-cream.

**A/N: That's how Addie is going to help Mer through this. Up next: Meredith tells Derek and Addie and Alex go out again.**


	10. Chapter 10

Addison took Meredith to Derek's trailer after they finished their Chocolate Devotion **(A/N: flavor courtesy of loves2writestories)**. She wanted to tell Derek everything as soon as possible. Plus, she knew she needed to be tested for STDs and pregnancy, and she wanted Derek to take care of that for her. She came into the trailer to find Derek on the couch, a cup of coffee in his hand.

"Hey," he stood up and hugged her. "Are you okay? Chief said you weren't feeling well."

"I'm okay, but I need to tell you something."

"Okay."

"There is a reason that I didn't swim when I fell into the water," she paused, watching his face for some kind of reaction. "Not too long before that, I was raped in the hospital parking lot."

"No! Why didn't you tell me?"

"I thought I could just forget it happened, but it got to be too much. At first I was scared, then I was angry. I felt dirty and miserable."

The concern on his face was reassuring. _He doesn't seem like he's disgusted. That makes me feel a little better._

"Have you reported it?"

"I did today. Addison went with me."

"Oh, okay. Well she probably…" he stopped, unsure of how much Meredith knew about Addison's past.

"I know. She told me. I need you to help me with something now."

"Anything."

"I should probably be tested for STDs and stuff."

"Addison is the OB/GYN."

"I want you to do it though."

"I will. Do you want to go now?"

"Yes."

Immediately, they left the trailer and headed toward the hospital. Derek went to the chief's office and asked him if they could use a private room. He led them to the nearest empty room.

"Shepherd?"

"Yes, Chief?"

"Try to remember to make up a chart," Richard answered with a wink.

"I'll do my best, sir."

To Meredith, Derek asked, "Are you ready to do this?"

"Here are my veins. Please poke them with needles," she held out her arms.

Derek took blood samples and sent them to the lab with a rush mark. Next, he did a complete pelvic exam. There were no injuries that he could see. After Meredith had redressed, they went to the lab to wait on the test results. Only a few minutes later, the lab tech handed Derek the lab results. He tried to hand them to Meredith.

"You look. Tell me if I'm okay."

He looked at the paper without any idea as to what he might find, but his lips curled into a smile.

"Meredith, you are completely healthy. There aren't any STDs, and you're not pregnant. You'll have to be tested for HIV again in a few months, just in case, but for now, you're fine."

She breathed a sigh of relief and took Derek by the hand.

"Let's get out of here. I'm tired."

"Good plan. Go home before we get pulled into a case."

Meanwhile, Addison was sitting in her apartment contemplating whether or not she should call Alex. She picked up her cell phone then put it back down, only to pick it up again.

"This is stupid," she said aloud. "Just call him already."

She scrolled down to find Alex's name on her contact list and pressed "OK." It rang once, twice, she was going to hang up when his voice came over the line.

"Hey! What's going on?"

"Not too much. What are you doing?"

"Nothing. The hospital is dead quiet tonight. Bailey said I could leave, but I don't really have anything to do at home either except clean up the joint," he sounded tired and bored.

"You want to have dinner?"

"Sure!" his voice seemed to perk up, but Addison thought it could have been her imagination. "I'm feeling a burger, but we can go wherever you like."

"I can make burgers. We could eat and watch a movie or something."

"That's fine with me. I'll go tell Bailey I'm leaving and come on over."

"Okay. I'll see you in a little while."

"Later."

Addison jumped off the couch and went into the kitchen. She stepped onto the balcony to light the charcoal grill she kept hidden from the landlord then began slicing potatoes. She preheated the oven to 375 and poured some olive oil into a bag and added the potato slices. As she was making the hamburger patties, her doorbell buzzed. She let Alex into the apartment, and he followed her into the kitchen.

"It will be a while before the food is ready."

"That's okay. You can keep me occupied," he put his arms around her waist.

When he saw the smile on her face disappear, he immediately felt bad. _Why won't she let me kiss her?_

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you."

"It's not your fault."

"Well, what's wrong then? Why won't you let me kiss you?"

"I don't kiss on first dates."

"But this is a second date."

"I don't usually kiss on second dates either."

"I can respect that. I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable."

"I'm fine. Are you usually this nice of a guy?"

"Honestly, no. It's different being around you. You're a great person, and I respect you."

"Is that going to change?"

"What do you mean?"

"When Derek left, Mark was the perfect guy. He was sweet and understanding, but it changed after a while. I don't want to put myself through another Mark."

"I'm not Sloan. I swear," he looked so completely revolted that she believed him.

"I believe you. Now, do you want to help me make dinner?"

"I can try."

"Well, that's all I ask. Do you like cheese on your burger?"

"Yeah. I like cheese, tomato, onion, pickles, and mustard. No mayo and no lettuce."

"Me too! What about bacon? I have some gourmet bacon that I could add to them."

"Sure. While you're at it, let's soak the burgers in barbeque sauce."

"Mmm. That sounds really good."

Taking Alex's advice, she placed the burgers in a bowl of barbeque sauce and some bacon on the grill. Next, she covered the potato slices in Emeril's Original Essence and slid them into the oven. After allowing the burgers to soak, she put them on the grill wrapped in the bacon. When everything was settled and cooking, she turned to Alex.

"I think I could teach you how to cook."

"Maybe. I might be a hopeless case. Then again, I have a crush on the teacher. I might actually pay attention."

"Alex!"

"I'm just being honest."

She went over to where he was perched on the counter top, eating olives from a jar, parted his knees with her hips, and set the jar on the counter beside him. This time, she put _her_ hands around _his_ waist. Addison leaned into his chest, their foreheads touching. They were exactly the same height with him sitting on the counter top. She kissed him lightly on the lips.

**A/N: I loooove Addisex, and I know you do too, so let me know about it. Please R and R!!!!!**


	11. Chapter 11

"Callie?" Addison whispered into her cell phone.

"Addie? What's going on? Why are you whispering?"

"There's someone in my bed."

"Who?" Callie squealed.

"Alex Karev."

"Addison!"

"We didn't have sex. I swear we didn't."

"Uh huh. Yeah."

"Callie!" her voice rose before she could stop it, and Alex stirred slightly.

"I'm sorry. I believe you, but why is he in your bed if you didn't have sex?"

"Well…uh…I…"

_Yesterday…_

"Alex. Alex!" Addison's voice was muffled by the lips of Alex Karev, and she was slightly out of breath.

"What's wrong?" he pulled back but couldn't keep his eyes off her red, swollen lips.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." She wouldn't meet his eyes until he made her.

Alex put his finger under her chin and pushed up until she was looking back at him. He looked deep into her bright blue eyes, trying to understand why she wouldn't let him kiss her. _Is it me? Does she not like me after all? I thought we were having such a good time here. _She wanted to explain to him, but she didn't know how. _I really like him. I don't want anything to spoil it. What would he think if he knew?_

"Addison, if I'm going to fast for you, you need to tell me."

"I just need you to understand something. I don't want you to think I'm leading you on."

"Addie, I'm not trying to get into your pants."

She looked at him for a moment, surprised and relieved. Her face made him feel bad for pulling her into a make-out session. _What are you doing, idiot? She came to you and kissed you. Now you just seem like all you want to do is sleep with her. Well…I do want to sleep with her but only when she's ready. I've got to be careful this time. I already screwed it up with Izzie. Addison's too good to let go of. I can't screw up again._

"I just didn't want to keep this up if you're expecting more. That wouldn't be fair to you."

"It wouldn't be fair to you either. I don't mind to let you set the pace."

"Okay," she sighed. "You know, I really do like you."

"I like you too. And I'm perfectly content with spending time with you without anything happening."

"You can kiss me. I promise I won't push you away anymore."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes," she nodded with a smile, then they sat quietly for a few minutes before Addison spoke again. "So, do you want to watch a movie?"

"Sure. Do I need to help clean up the kitchen first?"

"No, we'll get it later. What do you want to watch?"

He shrugged as he realized that neither one of them knew the other's taste in movies at all. After a quick peek around Addison's living room, he knew she wouldn't have any movies that he'd like very much.

"Well, it doesn't really matter. You pick."

"All I have is chick flicks, so unless you want to watch Steel Magnolias or Pretty Woman, speak up."

"I rented a movie the other night, but it hasn't made it into my apartment yet."

"What is it?" she asked warily.

"It's a scary movie."

"I watched scary movies with Derek all the time." _but I always kept my face buried in his shoulder._

"You don't mind watching a scary movie then?"

"I guess not, but I have to sit like this," she settled herself on his lap on the sofa and put his arms around her waist. "So you can protect me."

"Fine by me," he answered, nibbling on her ear.

About half way through the movie, Alex noticed that Addison had been really still for a while. He looked down to find her asleep in his arms and smiled. Gently, he kissed her on the top of her head, and she stirred a little. _This should be called the loveseat._ He pulled the blanket up around her shoulders a little more, and her eyes fluttered open. At first, she looked surprised to see him.

"Hi," she whispered.

"You okay?"

"Mmm hmm," she answered sleepily before turning so that she was laying her cheek on his shoulder.

"Do you want to go to bed?" he asked, and her eyes were suddenly wide open. "I didn't mean what you're thinking. I was just saying that, if you're tired, I'll leave and let you go to bed."

"I'm…not…tired," she said, stifling a yawn.

"You're lying."

"Okay. I am tired, but I don't want you to leave yet."

"Can I sleep in your guest room?"

"No."

"Sofa then?"

"No," she yawned again.

"Well, I'm putting you in bed and leaving then because you're exhausted."

When she didn't answer, he stood up with her in his arms and carried her into her room. He set her gently on the bed and was about to leave when she reached out to him. He took her outstretched hand in his, looking at her curiously.

"Stay here," she said, patting the empty side of the bed with her free hand.

"Are you sure about this?"

"We're just going to be sleeping. I'm okay with that."

"Okay then," he replied and sat down next to her.

She pulled the covers over them and curled into Alex's body so that he was spooning her. Even though he was still wearing jeans, Alex had never felt so comfortable. He put his arms around Addison and kissed her, happy to be with her. _I never thought I'd enjoy sleeping with someone while fully dressed. I could stay here forever with her._

_Today_

"Aww. I guess Karev can be a nice guy after all," Callie replied to Addison's recount of the night before.

"He really seems to be a nice guy. I hope he doesn't turn out like Mark."

"Yeah."

"So, how are things with George?"

"I don't really know. He seems distant. I can't get him to talk to me."

"I don't know what to tell you. Derek used to get like that sometimes. Just keep trying. Hopefully he'll come around soon."

"I hope so."

"I think Alex is waking up, but I'll call you later."

"Okay. Bye."

Addison clicked her phone shut and walked back into her bedroom. When Alex looked up at her from his spot in the bed, she lay down next to him again, sighing with contentedness.

**A/N: I've been on vacation. I promise to update more now that I'm home. More MerDer next time and maybe a little CaGe. Please review!**


	12. Chapter 12

Meredith rolled over in bed and opened her eyes. She watched Derek sleep, his bare skin moving with each deep breath. _And he thinks I snore. His breathing sounds like a bear._ She smiled to herself and curled up closer to him. She didn't plan on going back to sleep right then, but was enjoying such a peaceful moment instead. Outside, the sun was shining slightly, trying to burn off the morning haze. It was going to turn out to be one of those rare, beautiful days in Seattle. A day without rain. Meredith sighed contentedly and buried her face in Derek's neck. _I wonder how things are going for Addison and Alex…_

"Morning," Derek said, stifling a yawn after waking to find Meredith staring at him. "Do I snore now?"

"No. I was just watching you sleep. Look, it's going to be a beautiful day," she pointed to the half open window of the trailer's bedroom.

"Let's go fishing."

"Fishing?"

"Yes, it's going to be a beautiful day and neither of us have to work."

"Okay! Let's go fishing!" she sat up in bed and stretched.

They got out of bed and began getting things together for their fishing trip. Derek went to get his fishing equipment packed into his truck while Meredith packed some food into a picnic basket. Derek dressed in a white t-shirt, red flannel shirt, and old jeans. Meredith wore a Dartmouth t-shirt with jean Capri pants and black Converse sneakers. When Derek put his fishing hat on, Meredith gazed at it longingly.

"Here," Derek produced a box from the back of his truck and traded Meredith the picnic basket she was holding for the box.

"What's this?"

"Open it."

She pulled the lid off the box, revealing a hunter green fisherman's hat. When she realized what she was holding, she dropped the box and squealed.

"Oh, thank-you!"

"It's not much, but you need a fishing hat, too."

"I love it!"

"Good. What did you pack us for lunch?"

"Peanut butter and honey sandwiches, bananas, chips, and sodas. I also packed a lot of water and a bag of gummy worms."

"Gummy worms?"

"Yes. If we're going to fish with real worms, then I get to eat candy worms."

"Fair deal. You are going to bait your own hook, this time, right?"

"Umm…"

"Meredith! You can operate on a brain and poke around a person's insides. Why can't you touch a worm?"

"The people in the OR don't wiggle," she answered matter-of-factly.

"You win."

They drove toward the lake where Derek liked to fish, stopping for bait on the way. After they had settled in at Derek's favorite fishing spot, Meredith kicked off her shoes and stretched out on the grass.

"You better put this on," Derek held out a bottle of sunscreen.

"Yeah," she replied, taking the bottle.

She covered herself with the sunscreen, then they sat quietly, waiting for the fish to bite at their lines. Meredith was in the middle of a good daydream when Derek nudged her out of her thoughts. He pointed to her line, which was bobbling in the water. She grabbed her pole from where it was propped up and began to reel in her catch.

"Help me! It's big!" she cried, tugging on the pole.

"It is! It's a big bass," Derek exclaimed as he put his hands over Meredith's to help her reel in the fish.

Finally, they pulled the fish from the water. It was one of the biggest Derek had seen at his lucky spot. He pulled out his camera to take a picture of Meredith with her big fish. _Click_. Then, he took the fish from her to unhook it.

"This thing must weigh ten or eleven pounds. Excellent catch, Baby."

"Can we eat now?"

"Don't tell me you're finished now that you have a fish. I haven't caught one yet."

"I'm not finished. I'm just hungry," she began pulling lunch from the picnic basket, while Derek continued to fish.

_It will only hurt for a second. Just one quick second and then it'll be over. _She took a deep breath as she brought the sharp, shiny blade closer to the skin. _Just one second._ Her heart pounded in her chest, and her head ached. She felt a bit dizzy, kind of like she was going to throw-up. One small tear ran down her cheek. _You can do it._ This time, she did. At first, it hurt. It was a burning sensation, almost like her arm was resting on a hot stove top. Then, it was cool. Her finger tips felt almost cold until the hot blood reached them, burning, almost boiling. She sank into the floor and leaned her head against the cabinet door. Everything went black.

"Meredith? You've been staring out at the lake for almost fifteen minutes. Are you okay?" Derek's voice gave the impression that he'd been trying to talk to her for a while now.

"Hmm?" she shook herself out of a daydream.

"What are you thinking about? You've been staring for a long time."

"I need to make a phone call. I'll be right back."

"Okay," he sounded a little worried and looked very confused.

Meredith hopped up from her spot on the bank, a dark feeling in the back of her mind. When her cell phone gave no sign of giving her any signal, she swore. Looking back, she saw Derek watching her, confused. She tried to wave him back to his fishing pole, but he continued to watch.

"I'll be right back. I need to go check on a patient," she lied.

"Call Cristina or someone. This was supposed to be a day without the hospital."

"I won't be long. I just need to run to the hospital. I'll come right back."

_I hope._

**AN: Don't hate me for doing that. Sorry this is a little short. I had more, but it works better split into two chapters.**


	13. Chapter 13

As Meredith was racing through Seattle at top speed, her head pounded. So many emotions had suddenly taken over, and she couldn't explain it to Derek. She just knew that she had to get away from their fishing spot. The sinking feeling in her stomach intensified with each mile. _You're panicking. Don't panic yet. Wait until you get to Addison's place to panic. But what if…No! You can't think about that! She'll help you sort it all out. The other way seems so much easier…No!_ She shook herself after noticing that she ran a red light. Luckily, bright lights and a siren did not sound. She kept going as fast as she could, determined to get to Addison's before her head exploded.

_What's that shiny thing? I can't reach it from here. I want to get the shiny thing. No, don't go! _

She pounded into the apartment building, and the doorman nodded, telling her that he would let her up to Addison's penthouse. The elevator didn't move fast enough. Colors were too bright. _My head really hurts._ She burst out of the elevator into Addison's entry hall and knocked, hard and fast on the door. No one answered. _She has the day off today. Maybe she's with Alex._ She knocked again, more impatiently. When no one answered yet again, she tried the knob. It opened slowly into Addison's pristine apartment, and Meredith called out to her newfound friend to no avail. She looked around to find Addison's purse, pager, and cell phone in their usual spot. _She's here. I have to talk to her._ She ran into Addison's room, but Addison was no where to be seen. _You can do this. It will only hurt for a second._ She headed into the kitchen, looked around, and picked up the knife.

Derek still hadn't had any luck fishing. _Meredith's giant fish probably ate the rest of them._ He tried to focus on his line, but he couldn't keep his mind off of Meredith. He knew she wasn't going to see a patient and suspected it was Addison that Meredith was paying a visit to. However, he couldn't understand why. She'd seemed fine the last few weeks, still a little jumpy and easily distracted, but she didn't seem depressed or truly scared any more. He was still keeping a close eye on her, but she was constantly reassuring him that she was doing much better. _Maybe I should call someone or check on her anyway. No, you need to trust her to tell you how she's feeling._ He cast his line again, resolving to give Meredith time to sort out whatever was bothering her. _I know! I'll call Alex. He's probably with Addison. They sure have been spending a lot of time together. Then, I'll know if Meredith went to find Addison._

"What's up, Dr. Shepherd?" Karev's voice was tired.

"Are you with Addison?"

"Not that it's any of your business, but no."

"I didn't…I mean… Nevermind. Have you seen her or Meredith?"

"No."

"Is anything going on that I should know about?"

"Uh…I don't think so."

"Well, you've been spending a lot of time with Addison lately…I just thought that maybe…"

"Listen, Shepherd, you broke up with her. I happen to like her. I don't know what you're thinking about, but it's none of your…"

"Shut it, Karev. I don't care if you're dating Addison. She deserves to have someone make her happy, or whatever it is that you're doing for her. I want to know if Meredith is okay."

"Dude, she's a big girl. She can take care of herself. She's not going to be jumping into any lakes any more, so leave her alone."

"Well, if you see either one of them, let me know," he said, trying to be nicer.

"Sure," he replied. "But, I'd rather check on Addison, personally." Alex muttered in a concerned tone as he was about to hang up.

"What did you say?"

"Nothing," he knew better than to just hang up on Shepherd.

"What did you say about Addison? Is she okay?" he sounded anxious.

"Why do you care?"

"I just do."

"What's going on?"

"I don't know how much you know about Addison."

"She's been a little strange lately. Why?"

"I think she should tell you."

"What's going on? She's just been distracted and emotional. Everything was fine until I spent a night at her place a week or so ago. Nothing happened, but she's been weird since."

"Ohh," he suddenly understood. "Alex! Get over to Addison's place, now!"

"Why?" now Alex was scared.

"Just go! Call me as soon as you can."

He hung up the phone without a response and ran out to his car. He could make it to Addison's in ten minutes, if he really hurried. Fear was slowly taking over his body. He broke out into a cold sweat, and his hands were shaking. _I hope they're okay._

"Addison!" Meredith screamed as the realization hit her. "Oh my God! Addie!"

She grabbed Addison's lifeless body and wrapped a towel around her bleeding arm. _I was daydreaming about me, but it was really happening to you! You can't die, Addie!_

"Please, don't die!" she whispered through a sob before she jumped up to find a trashcan.

As she vomited again and again, Meredith hoped she could call 911 before it was too late. _If it's not already._ Just when she was about to give up hope, Alex burst into the kitchen and scooped up Addison. He put pressure on her bleeding arm, cradling her like an infant. After looking from Addison to Meredith, he began to feel angry in addition to horrified.

"Did you let her do this?" he yelled.

"No. I…I…" she paused, sobs choking out the words. "When I came in, she was already there!"

"C'mon! We're going to the hospital."

"O-Okay," she stammered. "H-How did you…"

"Gut instinct. Now, move!"

When Alex raced into Seattle Grace with Addison in his arms, he was greeted by none other than Richard. They were closely followed by Derek, who took one look at Meredith and wrapped his arms protectively around her shoulders. Richard ushered the group into a private room in the ER, and Alex set to work suturing Addison's arm.

"How long has she been unconscious?" the chief asked after sending Derek for blood.

"I don't know. Meredith found her right before I did. Wow, this is deep. She really wanted to do this."

"She…what?" the chief was shocked at Alex's words.

"I may as well tell you. She did this on purpose, but I don't know why."

"She's lost a lot of blood. I think we're going to have to transfuse her."

"Chief? Is she going to be okay?"

"Physically, yes. She's doing everything on her own, but we do need her to wake up soon to be sure there isn't any brain damage. Might I suggest that you talk to her and find out what's going on?"

"I will, sir, as soon as she's ready and able."

For a long time, Alex and Meredith sat together, watching the blood flow into Addison's pale and lifeless body. Neither of them spoke, even though they knew the other person was crying. _I love her. I actually love her. I don't know what I will do if Addison doesn't pull through this. She's the first person I've ever had true, deep feelings for. I just can't lose her after these last few amazing weeks._ He thought about all the time they'd spent together over the last few weeks: their first date, trips to the movies, holding her hand as they walked along Main Street in and out of shops, the many times they'd spent cooking dinner together. Now, she was lying on a gurney in a blood spattered t-shirt and Columbia sweatpants, and he couldn't believe that the last few happy weeks suddenly turned so dark.

"Oh, Addison," he whispered tearfully, "I love you so much. You just have to fight through this. I'll help you, if you'll tell me what you need."

Alex laid his head on the mattress next to Addison's hips, one of her cold hands in his. What he really wanted was to scoop her up again, hold her, and kiss away her pain. He was considering climbing into bed with her and holding her when Meredith screamed.

"Did you see that?" Meredith screeched excitedly.

"What?"

"Her fingers! They twitched just a little."

"Go get the chief and Shepherd."

"'Kay," she jumped up and ran to find Derek and Richard.

"Do it again, sweetie. I know you can," Alex was whispering into Addison's hair. "Let me see your fingers wiggle. C'mon, Baby, you can do it."

Again, the hand across her stomach moved a tiny bit. Alex's heart soared with joy. _She's not in a coma!_ He took her other hand in his and kissed it. Her skin was so soft, but still cold. He moved onto the bed and held her close, trying to bring some warmth and life back into her body. Her hair smelled the way it always did, a mix of apple and some kind of spice Alex did not recognize. He kissed her again. _Mmm…_

"Addison!" he had heard her mumble.

"Mmm," she murmured again.

"Addie! Baby, can you hear me?" he sat up in the bed to look at her more closely.

"Alex?"

"You can talk! You're okay!"

"How…where…"

"You're in the hospital, Sweetie. Do you remember what happened?"

"Umm…Yes," tears filled her eyes.

"Shh. It's okay. You're going to be okay."

"Why didn't you leave me?"

"Because I love you!"

"You…love me?" her voice was hoarse, tears flowing steadily now.

"Yes, I love you. I love you more than I ever thought I could love another person."

"Why?"

"Because you're so kind and thoughtful. You're funny and brilliant. You love your patients more than anyone I've ever seen." He couldn't help but think she was even more beautiful crying, if that was possible.

"Alex, I love you, too."

"Will you tell me what's going on?"

"I…" she couldn't bring herself to tell him.

"It's okay. You can tell me when you get ready."

"Okay," she stifled a yawn.

"You need some rest," he started to get up, but she put a now slightly warmer hand on his shoulder.

"Don't. Stay with me. Keep me warm."

"Okay," inwardly, he sighed, grateful that she wanted him to stay.

"Hold me."

He put his arms around her once again, and she nuzzled his shoulder with her cheek. They were lying just that way when Richard, Meredith, and Derek returned. Derek, realizing that Addison was going to be just fine, took Meredith's hand and led her from the room. Richard pulled out his stethoscope and sphygmomanometer. When he tried to examine Addison, she whined and tried to wiggle away.

"I'll check her later, Chief. Let her rest now; she's going to be fine."

"I'll come back in a while," he answered, patting Addison's back.

"Mmkay," she murmured sleepily, snuggling closer to Alex.

Alex gave a sigh of relief and allowed himself to relax as well. Soon, they both drifted off to sleep, their bodies intertwined on the small gurney.

**AN: How's this for a quick update? Show me that you're glad I did it, and I may have another one up really soon as well! **


	14. Chapter 14

Richard Webber had had many trying days throughout his career as a general surgeon and even more after he was appointed chief of surgery. Some of those days stuck out in his mind and hurt like a sore tooth. The three that hurt the most were the day his teenage niece passed away, the day Meredith came into the ER blue and unconscious, and today, when Addison carried into the hospital covered in blood. _Addison is like a daughter to me. She, Meredith, and Camille are the daughters I never had. I've already lost one. I don't think I could bear to lose another. What on earth was going through Addison's head? And Meredith's?_ He pounded his fist into his desk, frustrated and worried. Rubbing the now sore knuckles, he stood to go see about Addison. _She's going to be fine. She's talking and physically fine._ He couldn't convince himself.

"Addie?" he knocked lightly on the door before peeking his head in.

Addison was sitting up in bed, watching The Little Mermaid and eating chocolate pudding. _Yes, physically, she is fine. But, I don't want to risk losing her again, even if that means doing something she will absolutely hate._ He stepped over to her, listened to her heart and lungs and took her blood pressure. Her temperature was normal as well as everything else. He sighed, knowing that she would more than likely be very angry. He was almost sure that he would get a nice glimpse of the temper she kept well hidden most of the time.

"How are you feeling?"

"I'm good. Alex Karev keeps bringing me anything I want," she smiled deviously.

"Well, I'm glad to see he is treating you well. Ummm," he cleared his throat. "Addie…"

"Just spit it out, Chief, if you're planning on making me mad."

"Well…okay. You're in perfect condition to go home today."

"Except?"

"Except that I want to keep you here for a little while longer."

"But I'm fine. And, I'm bored. I'm watching the Disney Channel, Richard. The Disney Channel!"

"I know, but I think you need to be where some…er…where I…"

"You want me to be where you can keep an eye on me," she sighed, frowning.

"Yes, I do. I'm sorry to do this to you, Addie, but we'll have to transfer you to psych."

"NO!" she screeched. "I'm fine, Richard. I don't need to be in the psych ward. It's been way more than twenty-four hours. I'm not on…well…I'm fine now."

"I'm sorry, Addie. As the treating physician here…"

"Don't give me that bullshit!" she was definitely angry now. "You just want to make sure I have a baby-sitter!"

Hot tears sprang to her eyes. She'd only yelled at Richard one time that she could remember in her past. Sure, he'd yelled at her plenty of times, but she'd never yelled back. As an intern, she was scared of him. As a resident, she respected him. Now, as a fellow surgeon, her respect for him was stronger than ever, but she yelled anyway. She continued to do so until a nurse came into the room, followed by Alex and Meredith. When she realized she had an audience, Addison stopped screaming and turned to sulking and glaring.

"Chief? Can I try to handle this?" Alex was shocked and a little unnerved at Addison's outburst.

"Good luck. Remember, you're dealing with a red head."

"I know," he ushered the others out and turned to Addison. "Well?"

"I'm sorry I yelled."

"You need to tell the chief, not me."

"I know, but he wants to put me on the psych floor!" she said indignantly. "I'm not crazy."

"Honey, the psych floor isn't just for crazy people. It's also for people who just need…"

"A baby-sitter."

"No, not a baby-sitter."

"I don't want to go to the psych floor!"

"I know," he sat down next to her, and she curled up between his legs. "Is there any other way?"

"I don't know. He said I was well enough to be discharged, but he doesn't want to let me be alone."

"Hmm. Would he let you go on the promise that someone would always be with you?"

"I don't know. Maybe," she looked hopeful. "It would probably depend on who would be with me."

"What about me? Would he trust you to me?"

"I don't know. Go ask him. He's probably waiting to make sure I didn't eat your soul."

"You're too sweet to eat souls."

"Are you sure about that, Captain of the Vagina Squad?" she teased.

"I'm sure," he grinned and kissed her on the nose. "Let me go find out."

"The answer is no, Karev."

"But, Chief, you don't even know…"

"Addison is staying here."

"What if I promise to be with her at all times. Everywhere she goes, I go."

"I think you should ask her about that."

"She doesn't mind. She'd do anything to be able to go home."

"I don't know," he looked at Meredith, who nodded and Derek, who had just joined them and nodded as well. "Okay, but you really do have to be with her all the time. Stand right next to the bathroom when she's in there. Don't let her close the door all the way. Put away anything sharp."

"I will, Chief. I'll take good care of her."

"You'd better. She's like a daughter to me."

_Yikes! No pressure! I can do this. I'll make sure she's completely okay. Maybe she'll even talk to me about what's going through her mind._ Alex and Richard stepped back into Addison's room, where she was anxiously awaiting their decision.

"Well? Can I go home yet?"

"Yes," Addison started to cheer, but Richard made a motion to stop her. "On a few conditions."

"Anything."

"Let Alex go wherever you do. Don't argue when he's staying too close or putting things away."

"Okay. I promise. I'll be really good."

"I know you will," Richard smiled and patted her shoulder. "But try and give him a bit of a rough time. Make him spoil you a little," he whispered into her ear and she nodded enthusiastically.

"Thank-you! Thank-you so much. Oh, and I'm sorry I yelled," she apologized, and he waved as if to say "no problem".

After Alex helped Addison settle into her bed at home, he wasn't sure what to do with himself. Someone had come in and cleaned up the blood, probably Callie. He wanted to be close to her, but curiosity was driving him insane. _Why did she want to die? She's so amazing. Why would she want to end it all?_ Asking was out of the question, as he'd promised her and himself that he would let her come to him. They lay in bed watching TV and cuddling. Occasionally, she'd ask him for something to eat or drink, and he would get it so fast that it surprised her the first few times. She laughed when he returned carrying both orange and grape juice merely seconds after leaving the room.

"What? I didn't know what juice you wanted."

She laughed again and took the grape juice. He finished off the glass of OJ, secretly glad that she took grape because he hated grape juice.

"Alex?" she whispered, just as he was ready to doze off.

"Yeah, Babe?" he thought she had been asleep as well.

"I want to talk."

"Okay."

"No, I mean I want to _really_ talk."

"Oh, okay," he sat up a little more, relieved that she was going to tell him.

"There's something you should know about me," she paused, watching his facial expressions carefully. "I was raped as a kid. I was in third grade."

She watched his expression change from concerned to what looked like embarrassed to angry and back to worried. He didn't look revolted, and she felt nothing but relief. However, when he didn't speak, she began to get upset. _Why won't he say something? Is he really that revolted? I shouldn't have told him, but I really like him and…_Tears filled her eyes for what seemed like the hundredth time as of late.

_Dude, you have to say something. Tell her that you're cool with it. Tell her how much you love her. Enough with the shocked silence. I want to kill the bastard that hurt her. I. WANT. TO. KILL. HIM. Just do something. Hold her._ So, he did. He pulled her into his arms and held her tightly. _I'll never let you go, Addie. As long as you want me to be here, I will be._ He kissed the top of her head, tracing figure eights along her back.

"Is that what brought all this on?" _Why didn't she tell me about that sooner? I wish she would have._

"That's part of it," her body seemed to curl smaller, and she was playing with the sheet.

"You can tell me whenever you're ready."

"I'm ready. I just…don't know how to say it," she took a deep breath, and I took her hand in mine. "Iwantedtohaveababyandireallymissmyhusband," it all came out as one word ending in a sob.

"You…what?"

"I really did want to have a baby."

"A baby?"

"Yeah. I was pregnant. Twice before. The first time, it was Derek's baby. We had this big fight, and I didn't know yet that I was pregnant. A little too much alcohol later, I had a miscarriage. The second time, I aborted Mark's baby. I'm not really sure why I did it. I knew he would make a terrible father, but I also wanted to believe that I still had a chance with Derek. It's selfish, I know, but I love my husband."

"Er…uhh…"

"Well, you know what I mean. I've been with him almost as long as I haven't been with him. I love him, but I know now that we'll never be together. I don't want to be his wife anymore, but I still miss him."

"I'm sorry, Addie."

"It's not your fault."

"I know, but I do feel bad for you."

"I found her sonogram picture. Mark's child's picture. That day, I was cleaning out the pockets of a jacket that hadn't been worn in a while, and I found the sonogram picture. I can't tell for sure because it's still a little too early, but I think the baby would have been a girl."

"Oh."

"She would've been about six months old now."

"Oh."

"But instead of saving my marriage, I killed my child. Either way, I lost because my marriage ended less than a year later," she sighed and sniffled a little. "If I'd kept that baby, at least I would have a daughter. Or son. Anyway." _Sigh._

"You don't know that. Things happen the way they do for a reason. Maybe the spirits that be led you down that path so that you wouldn't have to deal with something worse."

"Maybe." _Hiccup._ "I was overcome with guilt and emotions. I didn't want to have to deal with them again."

"Is that why you…?"

"Mostly, yeah. I was also thinking about something else. You."

_I made her want to kill herself? That's not right. I wish med school offered chick logic instead of All You Need to (and probably don't want to) Know about Old People 101. _Alex was unsure of how to respond to that, so he sat in silence, hoping that she would clarify. Addison realized that she'd just told her boyfriend that he made her suicidal and immediately began to figure out a way to explain herself. _I didn't mean that the way it sounded. Oh, crap. He probably thinks it's his fault now._

"Alex, I didn't mean that you made me want to…hurt myself. I've just been thinking about you a lot lately. I really like you, but I've heard things and…"

"Addison," he interrupted, "How many times do I have to tell you that you're not a piece of ass to me? You're one of the most amazing people I have ever met, and if you think for one second that I'm going to let you get away, well, you're really wrong. I've wanted to be with you for a while now, but you're too good for me."

"No, I'm not. Did you not see the scars?"

"I noticed them when we fell asleep on the couch, but everyone has a past. If I'd had any idea that you were still feeling so down, I would've been there for you more. I wish you had told me. I want to know things about you."

"I only did it one other time." _Only?!_ He thought as she continued. "It was right after the miscarriage. Derek blamed me for killing our child. He wouldn't even look at me, but I didn't know I was pregnant. He was supposed to do a special program about alcohol for a high school in Manhattan, and he'd brought home some organs in formalin and a dissection kit. It was sitting right there in his office. Before I knew what I was doing, I'd put the scalpel into both arms. Mark came in to get something for Derek and found me. Derek wouldn't even come to the ER to check on me or anything. It only made him madder. We never discussed it. He pretends it didn't happen. I wish it hadn't," she felt like crying again, but there were no more tears to cry.

"Addie, when you're feeling that way, you need to tell someone. So many people look up to you, love you. Hell, I think Izzie would be you if someone gave her the chance. If we lost you, there would be a whole of babies that wouldn't make it. You're the best. Plus, it would be a really bad day for me. And I don't like bad days."

She smiled a small, watery smile.

"I can't promise that I won't ever want to do it again."

"That's okay. You're allowed to feel overwhelmed, depressed, hurt, and angry. Just don't forget that you're also allowed to feel happy." _She didn't say "try to do it again"! You're getting somewhere, man._

"Thanks, Alex."

"Anytime, Babe," he kissed the top of her tangled red head.

She put her head on his chest, and he began lightly humming a song that she made him think about from the very day he met her.

_She's got eyes of the bluest skies  
As if they thought of rain  
I hate to look into those eyes  
And see an ounce of pain  
Her hair reminds me  
of a warm safe place  
Where as a child I'd hide  
And pray for the thunder  
And the rain  
To quietly pass me by_

**AN: So, if you've been reading my fics, you'll see that I am quite the Guns 'n' Roses fan. You'll also notice that I'm getting into writing kicks that yield much longer chapters. Up next: Who raped Meredith and what shall I do about him…?**


	15. Chapter 15

Dr. Bailey had been so kind as to allow Meredith to work with Dr. Shepherd for the day. She didn't particularly want to put them together, but with everything that had happened recently, she thought it would be the best plan. There was also the fact that she allowed Karev to be Dr. Montgomery's intern. Just this once, everyone was allowed to choose their surgeon. But, only this once. She vowed never to let it happen again.

"Dr. Grey, you're getting a page," the nurse was holding up Meredith's beeping pager.

"I'll call them back later."

"I think you want to take this call. It's the police department."

Meredith looked up to find Derek staring at her. She had no idea what she would find out when she returned the call. In fact, she wasn't sure that she wanted to find out. What if they told her she'd probably been infected by HIV? Maybe they were going to say that they had no idea who had attacked her. She would have to live with the knowledge that he was walking free and probably hurting other women, possibly children. She met Derek's eyes. He was obviously as curious as she was. She handed her retractor back to the scrub nurse and pulled off her gloves and gown. _Here we go._

"Hello. My name is Meredith Grey, and I'm calling for Officer Stanton."

"Please hold for a moment," there was a click then a Britney Spears song was playing lightly in Meredith's ear.

"Stanton."

"Hi. This is Meredith Grey. I just received your page."

"Ahh, yes. How are you?"

"Getting better."

"Good to hear. We have some good news for you."

_Good news? He has good news? Maybe they've caught him! Maybe he's been tortured. No, that's mean. Good news!_ Meredith was unable to speak for a moment, and her thoughts were racing. _Good news!_

"Can you come down to the station today?"

"I'll be there just as soon as I can."

"Ask for me at the front desk."

"Sure thing, Officer."

Meredith went back into OR 8 to tell Derek she was leaving. He could tell by the smile on her face that all was well, and she promised to call as soon as she could. She left the hospital floating, as if her feet were only lightly touching the ground as she walked. When Cristina came around the corner, Meredith told her where she was going. Cristina, who'd wanted to pick the guy's brain apart without anesthesia when she'd found out what happened, was delighted to hear that Meredith was potentially getting good news. Meredith floated out to her car and made her way to the police station in the rush hour traffic.

"Hello. I'm here to see Officer Stanton."

"Name?"

"Meredith Grey."

"Yes, he is expecting you. Please place your purse and shoes on the conveyor and step through the metal detector."

Meredith did as she was told, slipped her sneakers back on, and walked toward Officer Stanton's office. When she knocked on the door, he opened it and offered her a doughnut and coffee. _Why are cops always eating doughnuts and drinking coffee?_ She stepped in and took a raspberry filled doughnut with chocolate icing on top.

"I believe we have some good news for you," he paused, licking cream cheese from his fingers. "The man who raped you has been identified."

"He has?"

"Yes. He's been involved in several other cases beginning almost thirty years ago."

"He has?" she was very excited to hear that his identity was now known.

"It seems, he attacks at random then flees to another city. In all but the first case, he had a woman to distract the victim. All the victims have given the same descriptions of the man and woman."

"What happened in the first case?"

"I'm a little fuzzy on the details. It was twenty-eight years ago at some boarding school in Massachusetts. He was a high school level student, but after the incident, he disappeared for a long time. He didn't resurface until about six years ago, when he began his attacks with his accomplice."

Meredith gasped. _Is it possible? Addison didn't say where she went to boarding school._

"He tried to attack a young woman last night in Los Angeles, but another woman saw what was happening and knocked both of them out cold with her son's tee-ball bat."

Meredith was delighted to hear that he'd been hit with a ball bat. She would have been more delighted if she could've hit him herself, but at least another woman was spared the pain of dealing with a rape. However, she couldn't stop thinking about the first incidence.

"Could you possibly find more information about the first case for me?"

"May I ask why?"

"It sounds very familiar."

"You couldn't have been more than a year old at the most when that happened…"

"I have a friend who was attacked at a boarding school when she was nine. I can't help but think that it sounds very familiar."

"Well, it's unlikely that you and your friend were attacked by the same person, but have her come in and talk to us. I can't really give you much more information about the case."

"Okay."

Meredith paged Addison as soon as she got back into her car. She drove toward the hospital hoping that Addison would call back soon. Just as she was pulling into the parking lot, her phone rang. Addison's number was on the caller ID. She flipped her phone open and nearly shouted at her friend.

"Addison! You have to go down to the police station!"

"What? Why?"

"You…just should…"

"Meredith."

"Umm…they might know who…hurt you…when you were young."

"Why do you think that?"

"Did you go to boarding school in Massachusetts?"

"Yes…" she hesitated slightly.

"Well, then, you need to go to the police station as soon as you can."

"Okay. I'll go as soon as I round on my last three patients."

"Great. Let me know what happens."

"Sure."

Addison clicked her phone shut, scared and a little excited. She may soon get the chance to see her attacker suffer the consequences of his actions. It was exhilarating! _After all these years, I might be able to get some closure on this whole situation. They've finally found Bobby Thomas._ Excited though she was, Addison didn't want to make the trip alone. She went to find Alex after rounds.

"Hey, Babe. How're you feeling?"

"I'm okay. Can I ask you for a favor?" she was suddenly nervous.

"Anything," he looked concerned but definitely willing to help.

"Will you go to the police station with me?"

"What happened?"

"Nothing. Well, nothing new. They might have found the guy who…" she paused to take a deep breath, "The guy who raped me."

"Sure, I'll go with you. When do you want to go?"

"Now."

"Okay. Let's go," he took her by the hand and kissed her cheek.

Addison was very quiet along the way, and Alex didn't want to interrupt her thoughts. Actually, he was unsure of what to say. He didn't want to upset her or say something stupid, but he wanted to be there for her. He tugged on her hand, and she smiled slightly. It was then that he knew she would be fine.

When they arrived at the station, the pair held hands walking in and while waiting, but when it was time for Addison to speak to the officer, she pulled her hand free. Giving Alex a reassuring nod, she followed Officer Beal into a private room. He understood that this was something she needed to do alone and didn't try to follow.

"I believe it is Officer Stanton that has been handling this case and the related ones."

"Yes, I've spoken with him before."

"He's busy at the moment, but we'll see what we can do."

"Thanks," she took a seat across from Officer Beal, feeling nervous.

"It is my understanding that a friend of yours believes she was attacked by the same person who raped you twenty-eight years ago."

"Yes…"

"What can you tell me about your attacker?"

"Well, we were both students at the Lancaster School in Massachusetts. He was a high school level student, and I was in third grade."

"Do you remember his name?"

"How could I forget? His name was Robert Daniel Thomas. His friends called him Bobby the Robber because he often stole from the younger students," she could tell by the look on the officer's face that she'd struck gold.

"I believe it is the same person. He's in a holding cell in Los Angeles and will be transported her within a few hours. We'll need both of you to identify him, of course, but it's looking like we'll be able to try him for every crime he's committed."

"Even mine?"

"Yes. There is no question in your case. You knew him, and there was physical evidence. We'll give you a call as soon as he's brought in."

"Thank-you," she shook his hand with a smile.

As a door opened, Alex looked up to find Addison being led out by a sturdy officer with a tough, but kind, face. She was positively beaming, and he stood to embrace her. He held her close for a moment before pulling back to look at her face. She was crying but still smiling.

"They found him, Alex! They finally caught him!"

"Yes!" he pumped his fist into the air then kissed her passionately.

"Alex?" she looked at him questioningly, with a sort of look he'd never seen before.

"Yeah? You okay?"

"I'm fine," she sighed happily.

"You sure?"

"Yup. Let's go home," she tugged his arm, still giving him the odd look.

After Addison unlocked the door to her penthouse, she pulled Alex into a passionate kiss. Finally, finally, after so many years, Addison felt comfortable in her own body. Just knowing that the man who raped her would soon be locked up helped her to feel more comfortable. For the first time, she made the first move. Relief had washed over her body in the police station. Now this relief was being replaced with desire. Her hands fumbled with the buttons on Alex's shirt as she kissed him. This time, it was he that pulled away to look at her.

"Addie?" he could feel his body respond to her but didn't want her to notice, especially after recent events.

"Yeah?"

"Sweetheart, I…umm…" he wasn't sure what to say now.

"Okay then," she pulled him onto the couch, climbed into his lap, and took off his shirt.

"Ads? What are you doing?" she had just unzipped his pants.

"Roasting a turkey. What do you think?"

"You're making out with me."

"I know," seeing his surprise, she added, "I want to."

"Okay, but Addie, you're kind of…well…I'm getting…"

"I know."

He pulled away from her as she tried to kiss him again. _I haven't done anything to make her think I want to sleep with her…Have I? I want this so much, but I don't want her to feel pressured._ The crazy look was still in her eye. A look he now recognized as "bedroom eyes". She pulled on his pants a little more before pulling off her own shirt. He thought his head would explode when he saw her in a pink satin and lace bra and her Gucci pants.

"I want to do this, Addie. You have no idea how much, but I love you more than that. I want you to be ready. I want you to want this."

"I do. I am. I want you," she kissed his bare chest. "All of you."

"You're sure?"

Her response was to slide her lips down his chest. The rise in his pants was now more pronounced than ever, and neither of them could take it any longer. Kissing the entire way, they headed toward the bedroom, undressing each other. They collapsed onto the bed, happier than they had been in a long time. As Alex pulled her body into his, she let out a soft moan, and he held her still closer. _I'm never going to let her slip away. I am the luckiest person alive. _

**A/N: I'm not sure I like this chapter. Please, review!**


	16. Chapter 16

Derek lay awake in bed with Meredith curled up next to him. Her head was on his chest; her light breathing tickled him slightly. She sighed a little and snuggled closer, so he pulled the blanket up around her shoulders and put his arms around her a little more tightly. The morning was rainy and cool. _Typical Seattle._ Meredith opened her eyes a little, but Derek didn't see. Feigning sleep, Meredith tried to be as still as possible.

Not knowing that Meredith was awake, Derek was careful in getting out of bed. He put his pillow under her and kissed her gently. After pulling on a sweatshirt, Derek stood in front of the bathroom mirror to shave and brush his teeth. _I want to do something for Meredith. She's been so strong through all of this. I wonder what I could do for her… Maybe Addison would have some ideas... _He finished brushing then pulled on a pair of boots and a rain jacket. The cool, wet air felt good on his face. Some bushes behind the trailer rustled slightly. A few minutes later, they rustled again. Curious, Derek went to see what was behind his trailer. Trees dripped cold droplets onto his shoulders, and the wind made everything feel a little cooler. Cautiously, he spread the bushes apart to see what was making the rustling sounds. He was greeted by a small dog with a bleeding leg.

"Hey, there," he spoke softly, not wanting to frighten the injured animal.

The dog glanced at him warily, and he decided not to move closer for the time being. Instead, he sat down on the wet ground a few feet away from the dog and began talking softly. Soon, the reddish colored dog edged a little closer. Derek offered her the rest of the bacon sandwich he'd been eating, and she took it hungrily.

"I have some more inside, little girl. Would you like that?" he was still speaking softly, but this time she nudged his hand and pawed at his leg.

He stood and headed toward the trailer for more bacon. When he returned, the dog was still sitting in the same spot. She eagerly ate the rest of the bacon from Derek's hand and tried to climb into his lap.

"Can I look at your leg? Do you think that would be okay?" he was still almost whispering to the dog, who looked from her injured leg back to Derek as if she understood.

Another rustling sound caused Derek to startle. He looked toward the trailer to find Meredith standing a few feet away. She had pulled one of his sweatshirts over her blue camisole and tucked her pink striped pajama bottoms into a pair of his rain boots. His fishing hat was covering most of her messy ponytail.

"Good morning, Beautiful."

"Who's that?"

"Thanks a lot, Mer."

"Morning, Sweetie. What happened to his paw?"

"I'm not sure. It needs some sutures though. Could you get my first aid kit from the truck? By the way, he is actually a she."

"Oh. Okay. Yeah. I'll be right back."

She returned a few minutes later with his first aid kit. After pulling on some gloves, Derek began work on the dog's paw. She was surprisingly still while he worked, and he finished quickly. The pair decided it would be best to take the little dog to the animal shelter just in case she had an owner.

"Hello. May I help you?"

"Well, we found her," he indicated the dog in Meredith's arms, "In our yard, bleeding. I sutured her leg and fed her, but I thought she might have a home. She's wearing a collar."

"I believe she was reported missing a few days ago," the clerk began working at the computer and quickly pulled up a file on the missing dog. "Thank-you for bringing her in. We'll make sure she gets back to her owner."

"It was no problem," Derek squeezed Meredith's hand as they left the animal shelter.

As they walked toward Derek's truck, Meredith sighed deeply. She looked back toward the animal shelter wistfully. _She misses Doc._ He opened the door for her before jumping in the other side.

"How about some nice, greasy food?" Derek suggested.

"McDonald's?"

"Sure!" He turned toward the nearest McDonald's.

After enjoying Quarter Pounders, fries, and milkshakes, Derek told Meredith he had to make a quick trip to the hospital. He drove toward the hospital, dialing Addison's phone number as he drove.

"Hello?"

"Addison, I need to talk to you. Are you at the hospital?"

"Yes."

"I'll be there in about ten minutes."

The door to Addison's office was slightly ajar when Derek arrived. He knocked as he entered, and Addison stood to greet him.

"What's going on?"

"I want to talk to you about Meredith."

"Derek, she's getting so much better. You don't have to treat her like she's a porcelain doll."

"That's not what I want to talk about."

"Oh."

"I want to do something for her, buy her a present or something."

"Girls like purses and shoes. And jewelry," she answered with a smile.

"Addie! Today we found a dog in the bushes. When we took the dog to the animal shelter, she seemed really sad to let her go. Do you think she would be okay with another dog so soon after Doc?"

"Umm. I think so. Yeah. She really loved Doc, but if she looked sad to let the other dog go, then she's probably ready for a new pet."

"What kind should I get her?"

"I don't know. That kind of depends on her."

"You don't think it would upset her?"

"Not at all. She'd probably love it."

"Will you come with me puppy shopping?"

"Sure. I'm done here at six."

"I'll pick you up."

At precisely six o'clock, Derek was sitting outside the back entrance to Addison's office. She appeared a few minutes later with her briefcase, purse, two pairs of shoes, and some charts. There were also travel mugs and a lumpy object Derek couldn't identify.

"Need some help?"

"I've got it," she replied, tossing the stuff in the back of her car before climbing into the truck.

On Addison's suggestion, they stopped by a farm that breeds dogs and two kennels in lieu of a pet shop. At the third place, Derek found something he thought Meredith might like. The breeder raised golden retrievers and labs. He looked into each cage at pups in various stages of growth. Some were nearly ready to leave their mom while another litter was barely opening its eyes. The last kennel in the row caught Derek's attention. A puppy that was just a little larger than all the rest was alone in the kennel. It immediately jumped up when Derek bent down.

"How old is he or she?" he pointed to the lone pup in the kennel.

"The vet assumed that one is about four months old. She's a rescue dog. Someone found her near their home, nearly starved to death. The vet said that she's a purebred. No one claimed her, so we took her. I don't really have enough room for another retriever, but I couldn't leave her in the shelter," the breeder watched the pup lovingly.

"I think I'd like to have her."

"I'll take her for a check-up and get her ready first thing in the morning. You can come back tomorrow afternoon to pick up your new friend."

"Okay. Thanks."

He gave the woman his phone number, and they set off toward the hospital so that Addison could get her car. When they were out of sight of the kennel and back onto a main road, Derek decided to probe Addison. Her unusual silence that evening bothered him. _I could be opening up a can of worms. Or I could help her if she needs to talk. Maybe she just feels awkward…What the hell._

"Ads? You okay over there? You've been quiet all evening," he spoke, but she continued to stare out the window. "Addison? Psst! Paging Dr. Sh-Montgomery."

"Hmm?"

"Addie, are you okay?"

"Oh, yeah. I'm fine."

"Addison, I don't believe you. You're not a quiet person. Talk."

"I don't really want to," she mumbled, fingering a fray on her lab coat.

"Will you talk to someone?"

"No," her voice was almost inaudible, and he pulled over to the side of the road.

"I'm not moving until you tell me what's wrong with you," he tilted her head to face him.

"Derek, please."

"Addison, I don't want you to…Well, I mean…"

"Fine. I did something sort of stupid, and I might be regretting it a little bit."

"What did you do?"

"Nothing."

"Did you sleep with Karev?"

"What? Why would you…?"

"I see the way he looks at you. He really likes you."

"You think so?" she blushed.

"I know so. He gets so angry whenever he sees anyone else flirting with you," she opened her mouth, but he stopped her. "Yes, people do flirt with you, especially Alex."

"He…he does?"

"Addison!"

"Okay. It's just that I really like him, too. And now I wish I hadn't slept with him because I don't want to ruin what we've got. I'm finally beginning to feel happy."

"Good. I want you to be happy, but Ads? You need to talk to Alex. He needs to know how you're feeling. He didn't…uh…"

"No. It was all me. I really wanted to…at first. Then, I didn't. I think I love him, Derek. I don't want to hurt him," she paused. "But I don't want to get hurt either."

"Talk to him soon, Addie. It's not fair to either one of you."

"Okay. I'll call him as soon as I get home. Can we go now?"

"Of course. You're not still…"

"No. Not right at this moment. Right now I'm just confused."

"Okay," he wasn't sure if he could believe her, but signaled and pulled back onto the road anyway.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

_Do you really want to do this? It was rough last time, but it was worth it in every way. No one ever said it would be easy. Not then, and certainly not now. I do want this. _Derek was driving, and the golden retriever puppy kept trying to lick him. _Lick, lick. Slurp. Bark._ Reaching over the seat, he tousled the little girl's ears. In return, she nuzzled his hand. And licked him, of course. _Woof._ To occupy her, he gave her a Milk-bone. She was instantly fascinated and left him alone to drive and think for a few minutes. _Meredith is going to be so excited when she sees her new pup. I'm already too attached to her, and she's only been sitting next to me for about five minutes. _Continuing along the way, lost in thought, Derek decided the best way would be to do it quickly, before he lost his nerve.

"Meredith?"

"Huh?"

"Sweetie, I have a present for you."

"Present? Ooh! Is that my present?" she appeared in the living area of the small trailer, pointing to the puppy.

"Yes. She is your present."

Carefully, he handed Meredith the little retriever and watched her coo and ahh over her delicate, silky ears and soft tummy. She petted the puppy from every angle, but still didn't notice the thing Derek most wanted her to notice. Soon, she put her down to let her explore the trailer.

"I think I'll call her 'Nurse'. Come here, Nurse. Here, girl," she clucked her tongue, but the puppy didn't look her way until she opened a bag of treats. "There's Mommy's good girl! Come here. Hey…what's that on your collar?"

When Meredith looked where the license was supposed to be on the puppy's collar, she noticed that there wasn't a license after all. It was shiny, but definitely not a license. Derek smiled to himself as she examined the collar.

"Derek? What's this?" she was now holding the mysterious object in her hand.

"Well, what do you think it is?"

"It's a diamond ring. But, what's it for?"

"It's for you, us. A symbol of our future. Almost losing you made me realize that I can't look into my own future without seeing you there. Would you do me the honor of being there for my future and marry me?"

Stunned, she looked from the ring to Derek to Nurse and back to the ring again. Tears came to her eyes but didn't fall. It took her a moment to find her voice, then she looked at the puppy again.

"Did you put your Daddy up to this? If you did…you're a very good girl," she smiled and turned to Derek. "Yes, I'll marry you."

Nurse seemed to understand that something good was going on, as she began to bark and wiggle excitedly. Derek and Meredith joined her in the floor in a heap of arms, legs, a tail, and one big, slobbery tongue. _I'm finally going to have a happy little family._

**AN: Sorry it took so long to update. I'm suffering from a bad case of writer's block on this one. Encourage me and maybe I'll be able to think a little better. ******


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